Why Solo: A Star Wars Story is Not Exactly Popping My Corn. Wait, What?

Who came up with the name “Solo: A Star Wars Story”, anyway?

Please excuse the title. I tried to think of something witty, wrote it out and finished off with exactly what I was thinking after reading it. Then I left it. Anywho, allow me to elaborate.

I’m not one of those “I didn’t ask for this movie” people. Personally, I don’t quite mind a side story about the characters we already know. Not the route I would’ve taken but it’s Star Wars, right? How can they do any wrong? Well, that’s not a commonplace question these days. According to many die-hard fans, Star Wars hasn’t been good since the original trilogy. I don’t agree with that but can still understand why fans feel that way.

When they first announced a Han Solo movie, the first thought that came to mind was “Here we go. Guess every single character in the SW universe is gonna get a solo of their own”. You name it – Yoda, Obi-Wan, Boba Fett, Chewbacca, hell why not Greedo. The issue I take with this is obvious – the “corporate overlords” cashing in on every little crumb of the Star Wars IP. A good movie is about telling a good story. How in the galaxy could you tell a good story when all you care about is cashing in on the name and pumping out a movie as quickly as possible?

It may sound good to get an SW movie every year, but at what cost? Expect a full-on rant for how I feel about The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi very soon. That’s going to be a lot of typing. But I’m here for the Solo movie for now.

solo a star wars story

 

Shut Up and Tell Us What You Thought Already

Now that we’ve seen the new trailer for Solo: A Star Wars Story, how did I feel about it? It was decent. Not any more impressed than when the first trailer was revealed. Chewbacca looks to get more action, which is great! And he looks to have a love interest…if that is indeed a female wookie. There seems to be the usual chemistry between Han and Chewie which is refreshing. Childish Gambino…I mean Donald Glover certainly “looks” like a young Lando Calrissian. His acting chops don’t worry me either. He has a certain flair about him that translated well with the little screen time he had in Spider-Man: Homecoming. I have little doubt that he will do well on his part. Paul Bettany appeared as the gangster and supposed antagonist of the film. Wasn’t expecting that.

clip pic from Solo: A Star Wars Story

Then there’s Emilia Clarke (my eighth wife), looking just as stunning as ever. She’s already a point. If this movie turns out to be a 2/10, it would automatically get a 3/10 because of Emilia.  Sorry, I get carried away when it comes to the Mother of Dragons, The Unburnt, The…all that.

 

Dude…

Okay okay, here’s my problem. I absolutely don’t care about this movie. Visually, it looks crazy good! We’re all looking forward to that scene with the train, I’m sure. But I don’t give a flying raccoon what happens in this movie. Han’s not in any real danger, Chewie will be just fine no matter how perilous the train scene appeared to be. Do I care about how Solo became Solo? How he got the famous blaster he can shoot people with without looking? How he acquired the Millennium Falcon?  Not really. These are little beats that don’t need a whole movie to tell.

Maybe it’s because I’m feeling salty about Han Solo dying in The Force Awakens. My problem is not so much his death but rather when and how it happened. It’s known that Harrison Ford wanted his character to die back in Return of the Jedi and that’s fine. But I’ll get into that more with my upcoming rant at a later date. The point is, it seems like a giant pacifier film. Since the Han character is gone, let’s just give the fans a “solo” Solo film telling a story of when he was younger. Meh, don’t want it, don’t need it.

 

Think you can do better?

As a matter of fact, yes! The Force Awakens would’ve been totally different.  The dude playing Han, Alden Ehrenreich, would’ve played Han Solo’s son! Forget this Ben/Kylo/Adam Driver stuff (I do like Kylo Ren and Adam’s performance a lot but that’s not the point!). And Gambino…I mean Donald Glover would’ve played Lando’s son! AND Lando himself (Billy Dee F’n Williams) would’ve been in the damn film! And this film right here would’ve been their little spin-off adventure, moving the story forward and introducing new characters, new story arcs…and Emilia Clarke! Just think of how awesome that would’ve been! But no, we gotta deal with this prequel throwaway film. “A Star Wars Story”…a story I could care less about. 

 

Yea, but are you going to watch it?

You bet your scruffy-looking asses I’m going to watch it! What kind of question is that? First in line, pal!